"Sister, Let's Live With Each Other When We Grow Up"

I have been asked several times by amazed parents whether my daughters play together so nicely all the time. They certainly do fight, but their norm is truly to love each other. They are best friends. While they're still only 4 and 5.5 years old, I hope they will always be close.
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I would never assume that someone else's fighting children are the fault of the parents. Children fight. No matter who they are and how well they've been parented, they still fight. Some fight a lot more; some have personalities that seem to push them into arguments with anyone and everyone. Yet it would certainly be discouraging to think that this is the way children are and there's no hope for a different situation. There are things that we as parents can do to encourage our children to be one another's friends (but no guarantees that they actually will be). The suggestions that follow are not meant to make anyone feel bad; they're meant only to encourage those who hope their children will be best friends and would like to create an environment that supports that goal.
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Our children's relationship with each other begins with the relationship my husband and I have with each other. If we're creating a contentious or disrespectful environment in the home, our children will pick up on that and continue it with each other. If we work toward a peaceful, loving, respectful relationship with each other and with our children, they're more likely to relate positively with their siblings.
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Expect them to be friends and communicate that to them. Studies have shown that a student expected to excel is more likely to get good grades; use the same principle in your favor. One way I communicate this expectation is when one daughter wants to play with her sister but the other doesn't. Sometimes it's ok to play alone. But sometimes I ask the unwilling playmate to consider that she is so fun to play with and is there some way she could include her sister in whatever she's doing or choose something different they can enjoy together. I do verbalize that "she will always be your sister so it's in your best interest to maintain a good relationship with her" but I try to do so in a way that's not guilt-producing, simply loving encouragement that what's good for the one is also good for the other.
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Strengthen your family life. Friends have common interests, dreams, goals, sense of humor; so foster that common life in your family. Eat meals together. Find activities to do together. Serve together. Attend church together. Set a standard of relating that excludes iPhones and video games (mostly) and includes looking at whoever is talking, sharing personal thoughts (and preserving a safe environment so those thoughts are protected), and activities that everyone can participate in. If that sounds too difficult, consider whether the potential payoff is worth the trouble: if it is then do whatever it takes to make that family life happen, even if it means sacrificing your preferences and pulling your hair out when the kids complain.
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The real test of sibling friendships is not in the teen years but in the adult years. Although our kids are nowhere even close to teenagers, I've been around enough to know how very difficult adolescents can make their parents' lives. My husband and I are hoping for the best for our children in 10 years time but until then we are trying to set the stage both for the potentially difficult years and for the decades beyond. Someday we won't be the ones moderating their conflicts. Either they'll have a good relationship or we will no longer be able to influence them toward that friendship. I'm hoping that my daughters will still be each other's best friend.
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Linked with Works for Me Wednesday and Fellowship Fridays and Modest Monday